Clementines at Christmas
I am celebrating Christmas in Croatia. It's been raining all day. It's been raining the last four days; a fantastic Christmas treat since I love the rain.
One of my favourite Christmas treats is clementine. I've associated the fruit with Christmas for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, my parents would buy them by the box. My brothers and I would devour the entire box in one sitting. I have no shame in admitting that I've done the same as an adult. I don't think there's much shame in admitting I've eaten an entire box of Vitamin C.
For several years, I managed a youth centre. During clementine/tangerine season, I would buy them for the kids. For programs. For drop-ins. They were an easy win. The youth got a healthy snack, and there was very little to no mess.
Years later, I took on the role of executive director for a space dedicated to young girls. I recall one event where I received a distasteful look, and some words, from the organization's namesake for purchasing the orange fruit. And it stayed with me for years.
I was hosting a Christmas event for the community. As a resourceful E.D., I thought adorning the tables with a bowl full of clementines/tangerines was an easy win. When the individual saw the bowls of orange fruits, she scoffed at my resourceful creativity. I told her they reminded me of Christmas, they were inexpensive, and they were healthy. For me, they were an ideal centerpiece. And I left it at that.
Yet, her words and her look rubbed me the wrong way. I found it unsettling. Of all the things she could critique, she chose to critique my decision to purchase an easy-to-peel fruit. Why?
I didn't stay in that role for long. The incident was one of many unsettling interactions I had with this individual. I quickly learned I was equipped to take on the position but not to manage the individual. I felt that if I stayed, I would be spending a tremendous amount of time and energy, either justifying or defending minor decisions, which seemed absurd. And so I left.
For years after that, the Christmastime fruit reminded me of her. I was not too fond of that. Yet there it was. Every year, without fail, the delicious fruit would pop up in grocery stores, and I would think of her. I would think to myself, how could an individual choose to find fault in a fruit. It bothered me.
And then, somewhere along the way, I finally realized something had to give. My favourite Christmastime fruit could no longer be associated with that individual. I wanted my fruit back! And so I let it go. I let her go. And I took back my love of clementines and tangerines.
Last year, for Christmas, I bought bags of clementines and tangerines. I purchased baskets, nuts, and chocolate. I wrapped all the treats and delivered them to my family and friends. I left the packages on their doorsteps, excited to share a little bit of what brings me joy, treats that reminded me of Christmas. The clementine was once again mine to share as I felt fit. And boy, did it feel good!
As I celebrate Christmas in Croatia this year, I see clementines and tangerines at fruit stands and grocery stores, and I smile. Today, that fruit has become much more than just a favourite Christmastime treat. It now serves as a reminder that my decisions do not require the approval of others. Others are free to carry opinions of my choices. They can even share those opinions. But I cannot get emotionally tied up in their views. When I do so, I let myself down. And I never plan on letting myself down again.
