Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings

I‘m going back in time for this piece.

Back to my high school days.

Back to the days when my school possessions included a locker that housed my school books, a school bag, maybe a mirror, and almost always, either photos or ads plastered on my locker door.

At one point during my high school days, Nike came out with an ad I adored.

I was a shy teenager. I was terrified to feel much. I was scared to tell people I felt anything but ‘fine.’ I was terrified of having those feelings displayed. So instead, I let Nike speak for me with an ad.

The ad, pictured above, made its way from a magazine to the inside of my locker door.

I adored that ad. I loved those words.

The thing is, no one asked me why I had that ad hanging in my locker. And I didn’t feel confident enough to ever talk about the ad or tell anyone how it made me feel. So I let the words hang from my locker door. I let the words play over and over again in my head. Like a favourite song. Like a famous quote.

I let Nike do the talking. And secretly hoped that when someone saw the inside of my locker door, they would ask me about the ad, ask me why I liked it, and maybe I would tell them this:

They make it sound ok.

What?

Being afraid. They make it sound like I am allowed to be scared. That everyone is scared — even my parents.

Are you scared?

I think so. I’ve never been asked that question. But yes, I think so.

What scares you?

Everything they mention in the ad. And some other things. But I like that someone wrote this and made it seem like it’s ok to say these things aloud.

Why?

Because I don’t know how to tell people how I feel. Scared or otherwise. I think I’m supposed to be ok. Some days, I am. But some days, I am scared. I am sad. I am confused.

Cool. I’m sometimes scared too. Kinda cool that an ad made us have this chat.Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for listening.

During my teenage years, I didn’t have that conversation. Or any conversation like it.

The best I could do during those teenage years was to have a Nike ad taped to the inside of my locker, hoping someone would take notice and ask me how I felt.

Those teenage years…

Thanks to Christopher Robin for writing: I Hate My Life. It inspired me to write this piece. Why? Because: Feelings. Sometimes they are hard. And it’s good to let them out. I didn’t know how to let them out during those teenage years. I’m learning to do so now. It’s still difficult. But damn, it’s worth it!