I Need To Tell You This
I’ve never been more in love with my life than at this moment
What more do I need to say? What more can I say?
I’m not sure. But that’s partly why I am here, on Medium, to convey my thoughts, document the here and now, and take note of the little things.
And now, to tell you this:
While walking home from my tennis lesson, I stopped and sent two of my friends a text.
The text read:
I need to tell you this: I’ve never been more in love with my life than at this very moment. That’s all.
It was not ONE thing that prompted me to send that text.
I didn’t win a tennis match.
I am not there yet. Still in early lessons mode.
I didn’t receive news that I had won the lottery.
If that ever did happen, I’m almost certain I would not think to say I’m in love with my life. Instead, I would say something along the lines: Damn. I may need to hide for a while.
I didn’t receive news that I got a new contract for work.
My ‘work’ no longer defines me. I need to do work that is in alignment with my values. I need to be in a role where I get to be ‘present.’ I need to do work that I enjoy. I do not need to be IN LOVE with my work.
For so long, I thought work was love; love was work.
Now I know better.
I didn’t fall in love with a person.
I’ve done this before. Fallen in love with a person. Or the idea of that person. And thought, this is the best I have ever felt and the best I will ever feel. This person is home. This person is LOVE. I am IN LOVE!
And then it falls apart. And I feel loneliness, despair, and heartbreak. I feel out of LOVE. Why? Because I put love into the hands of one person, of something outside of myself. I forgot that love comes from within and cannot be taken away when someone decides to walk away.
Achieving these ‘big’ things wouldn’t prompt me to send a text: ‘I am in love with my life.’
A few years ago? Maybe.
Today? Nope.
So what DID prompt me to send that text?
It was the little things:
The tennis lesson.
Today I improved my backhand. I felt it in my body. My body was moving the right way, and therefore I was hitting the balls with greater accuracy. The weekly minor improvements to my form are adding up.
Practicing my Croatian while taking tennis lessons.
My instructor speaks Croatian and English. I want to improve my Croatian AND play tennis. That means no instruction in English.
Sometimes I think I make things more difficult by learning tennis this way. I have to process the technique and translate my instructor's words from Croatian to English. For me, it’s a bit more challenging, but I am digging the challenge.
The coffee after the lesson.
Sometimes, having coffee alone is ideal. Today, sitting with my instructor and continuing the tennis talk over a cup of coffee was ideal.
Being present.
Simple. Yet a concept that is still very foreign to me.
I was at the Tennis Centre and nowhere else for two hours today.
It was not ONE big thing that prompted the text about me being in love with my life.
It was a combination of many little things.
I am SO here for all the little things…
