Two Things That I Am Scared I Will Fail At

So I Decided To Put Them On A List Of Two Things I Would Like To Accomplish In This Lifetime.

Makarska, Croatia. Photo was taken by the author.

Recently, Sara Burdick wrote this piece:

Five things I would regret if I did not accomplish them in this lifetime

She asked the reader: "…I would love to know what is one or two things you would like to accomplish if you knew the date of your death."

I thought to myself: perfect timing.

Recently, I accomplished something pretty sweet: moving to Croatia. That wasn't going to be the only thing on my list of things I wanted to achieve.

There was more. There had to be more.

And just as I was intentional about that accomplishment, I knew I had to sit down and review/assess other things I would like to accomplish.

And while I have been working on those other things and sharing them here, I feel I have kept quiet on some of them. Probably because I am scared.

I am afraid of failing at some things I wish to accomplish. So I rarely talk about them. And when I do, I do so with hesitation.

So, thank you, Sara, for the nudge.

Two things I would like to accomplish in this lifetime:

1. Improving my photography so that I can sell my work.

At this point, I take photos with my iPhone 11. I don't have a sleek/expensive camera. Yet.

I don't claim to understand composition, and lighting, as they relate to photography. Yet.

I do know what I like, and I do know that I take photos of things and moments that catch my eye.

I'm starting to understand that I still have some negative voices lingering in my head. And they like to come out and criticize the joy I feel in potentially doing something with my photos.

So, I plan to write about photography here. And to create a website dedicated in part to showcase those photos. Make it real. And then, by doing so, start to quash that fear and those negative voices.

2. Purchase a second home in another city, somewhere in Europe.

I know why I keep this one quiet. Because it feels too big and extravagant. Big and extravagant scare me. I feel like I don't deserve either.

Here's the thing: I don't want the home to be big or extravagant.

I want it to feel like 'home.' I want it to be warm. I want it to be a reflection of the things I value. I want it to be a place of comfort. When I look at it, I want to say, yes, this is me.

I want it to have good bones. Or old bones. I want to add to its story. I don't want to be its first chapter/character.

I want to start creating a list of what that home could look like and in what city/country. I stop myself because I feel undeserving. Dumb. I know. Tell it to the voice in my head.

So, like with photography, my plan is to start writing about it here. Maybe my next Medium piece will be about my ideal home. Start building a wish list. Start exploring possibilities. Just start.

I often write about the 'little things.' These two things felt so very big. In my head.

But after writing about them here, I feel like they are no longer as BIG as I made them out to be. And with that, I am not scared to acknowledge or work on attaining them.

Once again, thanks for the nudge, Sara.