What’s the Opposite of Empowerment?
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, the definition of empowerment is: the process of gaining freedom and power to do what you want or to control what happens to you.
There’s a part of me that wishes I had written out this definition and plastered it over every wall in my home when I became an executive director. I was so focused on creating a space committed to empowering young women that I failed to notice one important thing: I was giving away my power to external forces and was no longer in control of what happened to me - the opposite of empowerment.
My 40 year old self had given away her power. I allowed myself to feel rejected. More than that, I sat in that rejection and did not defend myself. I started to take it personal when my ideas were shut down. And I was extremely hurt when my views were disapproved. It wasn’t the first time any of this was happening, but I had never been an executive director before, and so I started to panic.
I had always been good at championing others, but now I was being asked to defend my ideas, to champion my way of doing things and I couldn’t. Or rather, I wouldn’t. I was frozen with fear.
I let some time go by and I let the rejection and the disapproval trump my ability to lead. I stopped problem solving. I stopped making decisions. I stopped communicating. I stopped coping, and eventually, I stopped leading.
Eventually, I walked away from the disapproval and sadly, I walked away from the work. And then it turned to grey.
For me,when I think of the opposite of empowerment, I often think of the colour grey. By definition, grey is: Without interest or character; dull and nondescript. And when it turned to grey, that’s exactly how I felt. There was A LOT of grey.
I don’t mean to gloss over it, but I’ve processed most of the grey with a great therapist and great friends. The grey did not disappear overnight. It took time and it took work, lots of work. Lots of unpacking. Lots of tears. Lots of ah-ha moments. Lots of exercise! And with time, with a lot of re-learning, and with a lot of self love, the grey started to fade and I started to reclaim my power.
